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Dianne Salerni : Writer of Teen and Middle Grade Fiction | A Slice of Salerni Life 2014 (13th Edition)

A Slice of Salerni Life 2014 (13th Edition)



(Eldest Daughter is Princess, Gina is Queen)


Gina Band 2014Bob: Konnichiwa Kozoku!  (Greetings Family!)

Gabbey: Ohayo, gozaimasu! Watashi wa ojousama!  (Good day with respect. I’m a Princess!)

Bob: Princess who?

Dianne: Isn’t Gabbey supposed to be compacting her French 1 and French 2 courses to squeeze them both into one year? Why is she suddenly learning Japanese?

Gabbey: If I learn Japanese, maybe Daddy will take me on one of his business trips to Japan.

Bob: You could all come and join me at the end of one of my projects!

Dianne: Fourteen hours on a plane, by myself with the girls … not happening. I’m nervous enough driving to Long Branch, New Jersey to present at a school librarian’s conference. I’ve got my Mapquest directions printed out, and my Google Maps directions … both of which differ.

Gina: What’s wrong with the car’s GPS?

Dianne: It wants to kill me. That’s what. It tried to send me the wrong way on the Schuylkill Expressway and down a long dirt road into a ditch. It’s possessed by evil.

Bob: Do you want to go back to teaching at the building 2 miles from home?

Dianne: Nope. (stuffs the directions into her travel bag) I just want to be prepared. Speaking about prepared, who’s going where while I’m away for two days and does everyone have a ride?

Gabbey drivers licenseGina: I’ve got the Atlantic Coast Championship marching band competition on Sunday at Hershey Park and regular rehearsal on Monday.

Gabbey: I can drive her! And I have play practice after school on Monday. Can I have the car?

Bob: No. I need a car, too. I’m taking my bike down to Newark for a ride in the morning.  I’ll drive everybody where they need to go.

Gabbey: If I had a car of my own … Just sayin’ …

Bob: Popcorn anybody? (takes down the air popper from the top of the china cabinet)

Sorcia: (massive Scooby-Doo-type scramble and noise of nails scrabbling on hardwood floor) Popcorn! He said that word! He’s got the thing!

Luna: (sound of jingling cat collar) The dog is excited. I must investigate.

Bob: Aha, I’ve attracted the four-legged denizens of the house.

Dianne: Why is the cat all wet?

Sorcia and Luna share a bedGina: She showered with me again. I conditioned her.

Luna: (wet fur sticking out all over, but very soft and sweet smelling) The water escaped down the drain despite my best efforts. Tomorrow, I will mount a better defense.

Sorcia: Popcorn! Popcorn! (runs around excitedly with her ball) Play ball with me, kitty! (drops ball on cat’s head)

Luna: (smacks dog on the nose) Get your slobbery ball off me, you big buffoon.

Gabbey: Neko wa shihai suru! (The cat is dominant.)

Bob: Ie no naka de hoka no on’nanoko no yō ni amayakasa  (Spoiled like other girls in house)

Dianne: No idea what they’re saying.  I feel left out, Gina. What about you?

Gina: I don’t really care. How’s the static shock mat doing to keep the cat off the counter?

Bob: I don’t know. Who got zapped by it today?

(Dianne, Gabbey, Gina, and Bob all raise their hands. The cat cleans her tail serenely.)

cropped selfieBob: She might be too smart for us. (puts a bowl of popcorn on the floor for each animal.)

Sorcia: (gobbling it up) Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Luna: (removes one piece from bowl and chews on it) This is disgusting. But the dog wants it. I must eat it. I demand my share!

Bob: Okay, what gifts do you want me to bring back from Japan on this trip?

Dianne: How about another Daruma doll? I’m ready to start a new book and set a new goal!

Gabbey: A Korean boy band. (Everybody stares at her.) What? Korea’s close to Japan, right? Okay, I’m kidding. Bring me all the mangas.

Sorcia: (swipes her huge tongue across cat’s dish while Luna is still trying to choke down a single piece) Anata ga ushinau inemuri, neko. (You snooze, you lose, kitty)

From Bob to everyone: Anata ni kōun o negatte to Daian no hon kau!

(Wishing you good fortune, and don’t forget to buy Dianne’s book!)


11 Responses to A Slice of Salerni Life 2014 (13th Edition)

  1. Sounds INSANE in your house, Dianne!

    Good luck on the drive to Jersey and with the talk! You’ll be AWESOME!

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS and ALL the best for the new year!!!!! I hope to get to your book sometime this week and write/post the review…. Sorry it’s taking me so long, but you know, LIFE…..

    Safe travels to you and your family!

  2. Tiana Smith says:

    Ha ha 🙂 And I know what you mean about not wanting to be stuck on a plane with your girls — there’s a pretty good chance my husband’s job will be sending him to London for a couple of months, and we’re talking about sending me and the kiddo with him. I’d be excited by the prospect, but that long on a plane with a three year old … Yeah.

    Also, how cool that they can go back and forth in Japanese!

  3. Sheri Larsen says:

    14 hours…yeah, would not happen with me either unless they sedated me. A few years back, my husband went to Korea on business. I could NEVER had done that flight. I would have been crawling at the walls.

    Have a wonderful holiday, Dianne!

  4. Hilary says:

    Hi Dianne .. amazing how held back people are .. go kids, go to Japan as soon as Dad will take you, even if the beautiful writer Mum won’t!! Fantastic they’re learning Japanese though ..

    Lovely photos …

    Crazy house .. popcorn for the animals?! Ah well .. each to their own … good luck with all your travels, and when Christmas comes around have a very happy time, as well as a successful authoring 2015 – cheers Hilary

  5. Lexa Cain says:

    Your family is a riot! Gabbey is definitely a Princess and will probably rule the world in a few years. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

  6. J E Oneil says:

    How cool that your husband goes to Japan on business. My brother actually lives there. You should tell your hubby to bring back some Japanese chocolate. That stuff is AWESOME.

  7. Cynthia says:

    Such fun and insightful dialogue that you’re sharing that sheds light on your family life! You can probably get through those 14 hours if you load up on charged iPads before the flight. =)

    Thanks for commenting on my blog recently. No, I haven’t heard about the time capsule in Boston, but it sounds like an interesting situation. I am so curious to know what’s in that box, and I’m sure a bunch of American history teachers would be too!

  8. Life is fun in your house. 🙂 I hear you with the GPS directions. I went to a book expo that was over two hours away and the GPS kept taking me onto all these backroads and telling me I’d reached my destination in the middle of nowhere.

  9. The idea of flying w/my kidlet makes me break into a cold sweat! =) And whenever I go anywhere, I always just print out directions there(and back) b/c I’ve had too many bad experiences w/GPS. I hope everyone gets where they’re going! =)

  10. Slices of life are always perfect entertainment. So glad the cat is conditioned and that you might acquire a new Daruma doll for inspiration.

  11. Arlee Bird says:

    Wishing you the best of life and plenty of success included for 2015!

    Tossing It Out