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Dianne Salerni : Writer of Teen and Middle Grade Fiction | The Farting Hour

The Farting Hour

We’ve decided to change Sorcia’s dinner time, and she doesn’t like it at all.
Sorcia is usually a pretty agreeable dog. She doesn’t beg for table scraps; she doesn’t steal food, and she’s at least *partially* obedient.  Her usual feeding time is right before the family dinner, but we’ve been having a little trouble every evening with something we call the Farting Hour.
I’d heard jokes about dog farts before, but until we had our own dog, I never knew how potent they could be.  Every evening, around nine o’clock or so, Sorcia starts to let loose. The first sign is some member of the family gasping and hollering, “Oh, Sorcia!”  That’s the time to grab a sofa pillow and cover your nose – or maybe just leap up and leave the room.
And there’s never only one.  It’s a treat that goes on and on.
Since it always happens at the same time, I suggested moving her dinner back by an hour or two.  That way, the Farting Hour wouldn’t begin until we’d put Sorcia out for the night. My daughter Gina mentioned that, according to a book she had on training German Shepherds, the dog should be fed after the family anyway, to establish her rank in “the pack.”
So, I shifted her feeding time – and Sorcia let me know right away she didn’t care for the change. She started following me around the kitchen while I made dinner, butting my rear end with her head – trying to herd me toward the garage where her food is kept. Yes, that instinct to herd sheep is bred into the dog, and I wasn’t crazy about being treated like a sheep.
Maybe Sorcia didthink she outranked me!
Currently, I have to put Sorcia outside while I make dinner and we sit down to eat.  She watches us unhappily through the kitchen window, ears down.  In case you think we’re being cruel, the new procedure only shifts her dinner back an hour, so I doubt she’s starving.  She’s just lost the high rank she had in her own mind.
And for the most part, we escape the Farting Hour.

14 Responses to The Farting Hour

  1. A vet told me to give my dog some yogurt to help cut the gas. It didn’t work but maybe you will have better luck than me. lol

  2. Angela Brown says:

    I wonder if changing the dinner time can work for little tomboys who still think ripping a loose one is very hilarious…hmmm…

    And poor family noses. Sorcia will adjust, of course. But she simply must let you know she doesn’t like being put back in her rightful place 🙂

  3. hahahaha, that is so gross. Our German Shepherd is the SMELLIEST creature on the planet, and his farting hour lasts most of the day. 😛 I always feel bad for our guests, haha. And all his farts are LOUD.

  4. Rachel says:

    Oy. Although Sorcia (great name btw!) has to deal with dinner a bit later, at leas you can all smell in peace. 😉 Hope she isn’t TOO upset about being dethroned. Have a great weekend, Dianne!!!

  5. I have only ever once noticed flatulence from my AGSD. And though I heard it, I never smelled it.

    Also, I keep her bowl pretty much constantly full. She is too skinny, and I want her to gain weight. Then again, she’s not quite 3 years old yet, so that’s probably the difference.

  6. mshatch says:

    it could possibly be related to her food. MY GSD didn’t fart but my Lab, Jonah, is a wicked farter; farts as he goes up the stairs, farts as he goes down, when he sits, when he gets up…he’s just a farting machine!

  7. Steven says:

    I have a Lab that farts like crazy, but I still love him. It’s usually late at night in the basement, when only I’m awake and working–at least nobody else has to endure the stench.

    The worst was a Golden Retriever we had when I was a kid. That dog had the worst farts I have ever smelled! To top it off, when he was a puppy he would sit under people’s chairs and let it rip. Many fights about people supposedly farting the worst stench ever resulted, until we finally identified the real culprit.

  8. Oh, I feel your pain. When I was growing up, our little dog only had stinky farts with certain food. But he was silent and deadly.

  9. LOL. By the way, I love the cover of your new book!

  10. You know my sense of humor, so it shouldn’t surprise you that as soon as I read the title of this post, I was already smiling. We had a dog once who was a real overachiever when it came to flatulence. So I changed his food, and started cooking him ground beef and rice. (Um, no, he wasn’t at all spoiled.) The change in diet made a huge improvement.

    Have you read the James Herriot books? I can’t remember which one of them it was, but there was a flatulent boxer in one of them who was owned by a snooty society lady. Hysterical stuff.

  11. Pretty dog. Glad you figured out how to avoid the farting hour. : )

    Our cat wants to be fed as soon as I’m up and it doesn’t matter what the time is. He starts meowing at me and getting underfoot until he gets his way. You’d think I’d at least get an appreciative look or thank you meow. Nothing.

  12. Lexa Cain says:

    That is all just too funny. Can I put my hubby outside when he starts to “let loose?” Hmm…

  13. Hahahaha dogs are such special creature. Our black lab fetches his bowl and “throws” it at my brother’s feet when he’s feeling like food. 😀

  14. Hey,

    Just saw the heading and *had* to read the post 🙂

    We used to have two dogs, which meant we had farting hours, which was eye-wateringly tough at times. Sadly, we had to leave our dogs on the Mainland, but I hope that once our boys get older, we may be dog owners once again….

    Ps… thanks for the return follow 🙂