(Eldest Daughter is Princess, Gina is Queen)
Gabbey: Ohayo, gozaimasu! Watashi wa ojousama! (Good day with respect. I’m a Princess!)
Bob: Princess who?
Dianne: Isn’t Gabbey supposed to be compacting her French 1 and French 2 courses to squeeze them both into one year? Why is she suddenly learning Japanese?
Gabbey: If I learn Japanese, maybe Daddy will take me on one of his business trips to Japan.
Bob: You could all come and join me at the end of one of my projects!
Dianne: Fourteen hours on a plane, by myself with the girls … not happening. I’m nervous enough driving to Long Branch, New Jersey to present at a school librarian’s conference. I’ve got my Mapquest directions printed out, and my Google Maps directions … both of which differ.
Gina: What’s wrong with the car’s GPS?
Dianne: It wants to kill me. That’s what. It tried to send me the wrong way on the Schuylkill Expressway and down a long dirt road into a ditch. It’s possessed by evil.
Bob: Do you want to go back to teaching at the building 2 miles from home?
Dianne: Nope. (stuffs the directions into her travel bag) I just want to be prepared. Speaking about prepared, who’s going where while I’m away for two days and does everyone have a ride?
Gabbey: I can drive her! And I have play practice after school on Monday. Can I have the car?
Bob: No. I need a car, too. I’m taking my bike down to Newark for a ride in the morning. I’ll drive everybody where they need to go.
Gabbey: If I had a car of my own … Just sayin’ …
Bob: Popcorn anybody? (takes down the air popper from the top of the china cabinet)
Sorcia: (massive Scooby-Doo-type scramble and noise of nails scrabbling on hardwood floor) Popcorn! He said that word! He’s got the thing!
Luna: (sound of jingling cat collar) The dog is excited. I must investigate.
Bob: Aha, I’ve attracted the four-legged denizens of the house.
Dianne: Why is the cat all wet?
Luna: (wet fur sticking out all over, but very soft and sweet smelling) The water escaped down the drain despite my best efforts. Tomorrow, I will mount a better defense.
Sorcia: Popcorn! Popcorn! (runs around excitedly with her ball) Play ball with me, kitty! (drops ball on cat’s head)
Luna: (smacks dog on the nose) Get your slobbery ball off me, you big buffoon.
Gabbey: Neko wa shihai suru! (The cat is dominant.)
Bob: Ie no naka de hoka no on’nanoko no yō ni amayakasa (Spoiled like other girls in house)
Dianne: No idea what they’re saying. I feel left out, Gina. What about you?
Gina: I don’t really care. How’s the static shock mat doing to keep the cat off the counter?
Bob: I don’t know. Who got zapped by it today?
(Dianne, Gabbey, Gina, and Bob all raise their hands. The cat cleans her tail serenely.)
Sorcia: (gobbling it up) Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!
Luna: (removes one piece from bowl and chews on it) This is disgusting. But the dog wants it. I must eat it. I demand my share!
Bob: Okay, what gifts do you want me to bring back from Japan on this trip?
Dianne: How about another Daruma doll? I’m ready to start a new book and set a new goal!
Gabbey: A Korean boy band. (Everybody stares at her.) What? Korea’s close to Japan, right? Okay, I’m kidding. Bring me all the mangas.
Sorcia: (swipes her huge tongue across cat’s dish while Luna is still trying to choke down a single piece) Anata ga ushinau inemuri, neko. (You snooze, you lose, kitty)
From Bob to everyone: Anata ni kōun o negatte to Daian no hon kau!
(Wishing you good fortune, and don’t forget to buy Dianne’s book!)