dianne salerni author
dianne salerni author

 

長女は王女であるジーナは女王である

(Eldest Daughter is Princess, Gina is Queen)

 

Gina Band 2014Bob: Konnichiwa Kozoku!  (Greetings Family!)

Gabbey: Ohayo, gozaimasu! Watashi wa ojousama!  (Good day with respect. I’m a Princess!)

Bob: Princess who?

Dianne: Isn’t Gabbey supposed to be compacting her French 1 and French 2 courses to squeeze them both into one year? Why is she suddenly learning Japanese?

Gabbey: If I learn Japanese, maybe Daddy will take me on one of his business trips to Japan.

Bob: You could all come and join me at the end of one of my projects!

Dianne: Fourteen hours on a plane, by myself with the girls … not happening. I’m nervous enough driving to Long Branch, New Jersey to present at a school librarian’s conference. I’ve got my Mapquest directions printed out, and my Google Maps directions … both of which differ.

Gina: What’s wrong with the car’s GPS?

Dianne: It wants to kill me. That’s what. It tried to send me the wrong way on the Schuylkill Expressway and down a long dirt road into a ditch. It’s possessed by evil.

Bob: Do you want to go back to teaching at the building 2 miles from home?

Dianne: Nope. (stuffs the directions into her travel bag) I just want to be prepared. Speaking about prepared, who’s going where while I’m away for two days and does everyone have a ride?

Gabbey drivers licenseGina: I’ve got the Atlantic Coast Championship marching band competition on Sunday at Hershey Park and regular rehearsal on Monday.

Gabbey: I can drive her! And I have play practice after school on Monday. Can I have the car?

Bob: No. I need a car, too. I’m taking my bike down to Newark for a ride in the morning.  I’ll drive everybody where they need to go.

Gabbey: If I had a car of my own … Just sayin’ …

Bob: Popcorn anybody? (takes down the air popper from the top of the china cabinet)

Sorcia: (massive Scooby-Doo-type scramble and noise of nails scrabbling on hardwood floor) Popcorn! He said that word! He’s got the thing!

Luna: (sound of jingling cat collar) The dog is excited. I must investigate.

Bob: Aha, I’ve attracted the four-legged denizens of the house.

Dianne: Why is the cat all wet?

Sorcia and Luna share a bedGina: She showered with me again. I conditioned her.

Luna: (wet fur sticking out all over, but very soft and sweet smelling) The water escaped down the drain despite my best efforts. Tomorrow, I will mount a better defense.

Sorcia: Popcorn! Popcorn! (runs around excitedly with her ball) Play ball with me, kitty! (drops ball on cat’s head)

Luna: (smacks dog on the nose) Get your slobbery ball off me, you big buffoon.

Gabbey: Neko wa shihai suru! (The cat is dominant.)

Bob: Ie no naka de hoka no on’nanoko no yō ni amayakasa  (Spoiled like other girls in house)

Dianne: No idea what they’re saying.  I feel left out, Gina. What about you?

Gina: I don’t really care. How’s the static shock mat doing to keep the cat off the counter?

Bob: I don’t know. Who got zapped by it today?

(Dianne, Gabbey, Gina, and Bob all raise their hands. The cat cleans her tail serenely.)

cropped selfieBob: She might be too smart for us. (puts a bowl of popcorn on the floor for each animal.)

Sorcia: (gobbling it up) Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Luna: (removes one piece from bowl and chews on it) This is disgusting. But the dog wants it. I must eat it. I demand my share!

Bob: Okay, what gifts do you want me to bring back from Japan on this trip?

Dianne: How about another Daruma doll? I’m ready to start a new book and set a new goal!

Gabbey: A Korean boy band. (Everybody stares at her.) What? Korea’s close to Japan, right? Okay, I’m kidding. Bring me all the mangas.

Sorcia: (swipes her huge tongue across cat’s dish while Luna is still trying to choke down a single piece) Anata ga ushinau inemuri, neko. (You snooze, you lose, kitty)

From Bob to everyone: Anata ni kōun o negatte to Daian no hon kau!

(Wishing you good fortune, and don’t forget to buy Dianne’s book!)

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