In response to my post describing my distaste for Black Friday, my brother-in-law Larry O’Donnell has contributed a guest post about the extreme other end of the continuum. Evestering. I’ll let him take it from here …
EVESTERING by Larry O’Donnell
There is a holiday shopping alternative to Black Friday, which we’ll call Evestering. Evesters are cut from the same bolt of cloth as pantsters: adventuresome, creative, and solving difficulties on the fly. Evesters are ordinarily men. I’ve heard stories, but I’ve never seen a woman Evester. They must exist but are rarely seen. You just don’t find many women with really bad shopping sense.
Evesters are extreme shopping procrastinators. I was part of the movement until lately, having wound down considerably since I married Deb. I still feel the urge sometimes but Deb has gotten very good at hiding the car keys, shutting off the internet, and disabling my cell phone.
Evesters don’t worry about waiting in lines nor do they have crowd concerns. There is camaraderie among Evesters, with high fives all around when one gets the last floor model of some hot item. Of course, it is a bit shopworn but what the heck, the season is about giving, not sticky controls, scratches, dents, missing parts, and no instructions.
Evesters will climb a three story rack system to grab that last circular saw at Lowes and will gladly toss down Dremel Tool kits, cordless drills, orbital sanders, and routers to kindred souls below. It’s a lot like looting, only you pay for the stuff you find.
No problem with traffic or parking spots. No mugger in his right mind is going to get in the way of a man who has to buy gifts for a wife, four children, four parents, and six friends in two or three hours.
Evesters often get great bargains. A Christmas tree that cost $40.00 on Black Friday goes for about $6.00 at 8:00 Christmas Eve. The tree guy will even throw in a stand and give you a cup of coffee.
There are some challenges. Some stores’ merchandise has been picked over and the shelves look like nuclear Armageddon happened last Tuesday. Evesters start to think that the wife would love a new set of pillowcases that don’t match anything at home or in the store. Then they snap out of it and head for the penultimate source, the all-night pharmacy. These places expect Evesters and always have gift items for sale on hand late Christmas Eve. Of course, the merchandise is not always mainstream but you can get a Pony VHS player, a Samasonic alarm clock with digital display and built in cassette deck, or a Falcon keyboard with forty pre-recorded show tunes.
Then there is the ultimate source, the Evester’s last resort, a jewelry store. It is here that the Evester finds the perfect gift for his wife. There is no haggling, and generally the Evester gets to learn exactly what his credit cards limits are. It is not a problem since the jeweler has a telephone number the Evester can call to get another $2500.00 added to the limit of each card. So, the bass boat goes up on Ebay on December 28th, no big deal.
The Evester gets home around 11:15 pm., puts up the tree and rapidly distributes his treasures underneath it. The wife’s glare is softened somewhat by a very little box placed in a prominent position on her pile.
Of course, there’s another kind of shopper — the kind I am. The sort-of anti-shopper who doesn’t like to set foot in an actual store on Black Friday, Christmas Eve, or any day in between. The Internet Shopper. But I’ll have to tackle that subject on another day … if I’m willing to confess my sins.
My dad is totally an Evester. And as for me, I’m like Dianne. I despise shopping and do it online whenever possible, but even then, I’m not good at it.
I’m not a big shopper either. I do go but not on Black Friday. I have this thing for crowds–I don’t like them. Plus, the internet is awesome. I can sit in my PJs and have a cup of tea. Easy peasy (something my kids would say).
In 1994 my now ex-husband did his Christmas shopping at Walgreens on Christmas Eve. He bought me an electric pencil sharpener and a pack of yellow number twos. I don’t use pencils. That Christmas will be forever known as ‘The Pencil Sharpener Christmas.’
I dare someone to use the “evester” concept as a writing prompt.
We could form our own group, Dianne. I would never, ever, step inside a store during Black Friday or Boxing Day (which is our Black Friday equivalent in Canada).
This has definitely given me an idea for next year 🙂
I love to shop – if I have money, and as long as there aren’t a million people (no black Friday shopping for me!). But I have to say I’m glad my family isn’t doing presents this year. Really, really glad.
When I met my husband, this was totally him! I’d be so stressed out if I waited until the last minute.
Ha! We have a few Evesters in my family, too, but I’m not one of them. I’m with you, Dianne–the more shopping I can do online, the better I like it.
Those little boxes make the Evesters’ ways worth it. Long live Evesters!
I’m over here shaking my head and tsk-ing. Larry’s article is sooo true. (Why are men like that?) Except for the jewelry part. I’ve heard tales, Larry, but expensive jewelry is rarely seen. More likely: a stuffed animal, perfume, or a robe. *grumble, roll eyes, sigh*
Oh, this is toooo funny. Before we were married, my husband actually dashed into a store on our way to Christmas Eve midnight mass to do his shopping. That struck me as hysterical, because I’d never known him to be a procrastinator about anything else. I guess it’s a guy thing. (But he’s cured now.)
Love this. My father is a VERY proud evester. I’ll have to send him this post. I’m an internet (and etsy) shopper, like you. But I’ve recently branched out to become a small business shopper (I’m lucky to live in a neighborhood with fantastic shops.)
I’m defiantly not an evester. All shopping done and wrapped. At least for my end of the deal. I don’t know how the others are doing. This post was hilarious! 🙂
I used to be finished with shopping by Thanksgiving. From then on out I was decorating, baking and hand making little things for friends. Now…I’m ordering on line, sending giftcards or amazon wrapped presents. I don’t even have the tree up and what’s wild is no one has noticed???
Haha. I know so many of these people 🙂 Great post!
My father is totally an Evester! I’m with you — internet shopping is the way to go. Although I do seem to also have a weakness for Target. Just not on weekends or shopping days like Black Friday. Yuck.